i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
