You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
