You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
