hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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