i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
