did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize