so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I need to calm my uterus...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
