Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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