Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
