I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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