I think im going to throw up on grandma
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
