my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
