There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
