? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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