can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
