Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
