So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
