K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
