I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
