good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
