Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We got so high we made milksteak
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
