so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
