I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
