Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
