why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
