he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
