Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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