Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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