Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize