I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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