Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize