Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Semen is not good for contacts.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
