at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
