The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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