Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My ass is underappreciated
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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