i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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