i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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