I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
