The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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