If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
