They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
