tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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