i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
