oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
