The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize