it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
