Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we're making bets on your personal life
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
