There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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