just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
