i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
