I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
