i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
