all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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