dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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