I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
