Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize