She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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