I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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