I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
