I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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