If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize