Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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