I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
