You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
