Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
