I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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