Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
And then my night got REAL pukey
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
