do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
