He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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